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Create this wearing a jet black one piece snowsuit with ski goggles, dictating into my iphone while sitting on a dock in the Caribbean Sea. Looks like this blog is done, I knew it was bound to happen. Those bears in burlap shorting $Sportestery seem to have finally had their way with this stock. The lack of updates over the last few days have been due to some serious life choice being made by yours truly. It all started with this lady I met on Craigslist about a year ago…
Was in Arusha, Tanzania and had not had the pleasure of any female company for wondrous things like going for a coffee, watching a soul searching / tear jerking movie or sharing secrets under the stars on satin sheets. At that time I was also looking to buy a used electric nose hair trimmer and began browsing the listings. Then all of a sudden the personals page jumped out at me and realized it was my destiny and fate to follow. Figured “hey, I love the internet and if I can find a girl who also love the internet, I’m set!”
A few emails later and I met this lady named Gertrude who was originally from the Kentucky but now lives in Chernobyl due to the affordable housing. Turns out she not only loves the internet but travel and works part time as a google earth tour guide, sending people around and telling stories she imagines could happen, inspiring. She also runs a life coaching business claiming “Don’t ask about my life, I’m too busy growing yours!!!!!!!”. Suggested she may wish to remove 6 !’s but she became enraged and I dropped it.
A slight minor setback is that she has 5 children from 4-6 different fathers and some of them are what could be described as hostile or easily agitated, some with military backgrounds. Supposedly one of the kids won’t stop crying at night, another won’t stop stealing, one a stalker and another wets the bed, nobody said parenting was going to be easy, right? A concern of mine is that I once got a random skype message saying “I won’t take my lithium!!! You can’t make me, you don’t know me!!!! #$#@ YOU, #@$#@ THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!”, when I inquired she said “wrong window” and I never dared ask again.
So yeah, the life of freedom and travel was great and truly believe that it has all led to me meeting Gertrude and can’t wait to start a life together. Once you hit 30, you’re either married or you missed the boat if you ask me. It’s going to be weird jumping so far into parenting as one of the kids is 28 and Gertrude is 57, crazy I know? Like is Glen the 28 year old supposed to take orders from me? Should I make him call me Dad? Does he still get a Christmas present?
Thanks for reading everyone, travel the world and all your dreams will come true… First, read this.
P.S: If I declare bankruptcy in Canada can I still get credit cards in Europe?
P.P.S: How is working for the government?